Below: The night before Hazel's service, I had an appointment at the funeral home to go dress Hazel in her burial gown. A dear church friend drove me there. There was horrible rush hour traffic that night. I was so grateful that she let me close my red,swollen eyes and be silent during the drive. There were no probing questions or "how are you doing" comments. Just appreciated silence, punctuated with sobs and sniffling.
I brought Hazel's gown, bonnet, socks, and onsie to the funeral home in a cute baby shower bag. But when we got there, the director told us is wasn't a good time to dress her. Her body was freshly embalmed and not ready to be handled. I had to leave the bag there with a promise from the funeral home that I could dress her in the morning before the service.
But they had her wrapped in a pink blanket and had placed her in a bassinet in the back room. They let me go see her and take her picture. Here's how she looked that painful night night. Unfortunately, they only had a blue hat to put on her. It's ok. I guess.
They did a great job, and yet, I was still sad to see that my beautiful baby wasn't nearly half as cute as she had been after delivery. I knew it would be that way. But it was still hard to see what her little body looked like after several days of being separated from her spirit. The tape rash on her cheeks was still very evident. My poor baby. She suffered so much in her short 8 hours of life.
Below: Saturday Feb. 8, 2014 8:30 am
Above and Below: As I mentioned above, it was important to me that I be able to dress my baby in her funeral gown. It would be the very last act of mothering I could perform for her on this earth. I had to really put up a fight to make it happen. Due to a hospital mix up over the whereabouts of Hazel's body, the timeline for the autopsy, the embalming, and the dressing was very tight. It was looking like I wouldn't be able to do this very important thing. But by a tender mercy of the Lord, things did work out at the very last minute. I was able to come to the chapel a little early and dress my baby girl in her gown.
Everyone , including my husband, thought that this would be a difficult task for me. She was cold, and lifeless, and sewn up from her autopsy. Her trunk and her IV sites had been wrapped in gauze and plastic. But I still wanted one last chance to do something, anything, for my baby girl. And it wasn't hard, at least not in the way everyone told me it would be. She is always beautiful to me in any condition. In life, in death, she is my beautiful baby.
The gown she is wearing was sewn by my grandmother. She made it for me when I was blessed as a baby. My sister wore this dress when she was blessed too. Two of my nieces and my other three daughters have all worn this gown at their baby blessings as well. Since Hazel would never get to wear this gown to her baby blessing, we decided to bury her in it. I hope she will be wearing it when she is placed in my arms on resurrection day.
My sleeping beauty. I love you so much.
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| They tried to cover her tape rash with too much makeup. |
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| My jewel in her treasure box. Sofia gave her the teddy bear. Camila knit the hat. Both were buried with Hazel. |
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